the first posting in English is a joke, but you Americans leave comments and ideas for me to make posts in English that you like.
joke
God and the man
A man visits God and says "God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"
God says "No, ask me anything at all."
So the man says "God, you've been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?"
God replies "For me, a thousand years is only five minutes."
The man then says "That's interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies "For me, a million dollars is only five cents."
The man says "Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?"
God looks at the man, smiles, and says "Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!"
The old lady
| A policeman stops an elderly lady on the road for speeding: Lady: Is there a problem officer? Policeman: Madam, you were driving too fast! L: Oh, I see. P: Can I see your driver's license? L: Well, I don't have one. P: You don't!? L: Yeah, I lost it for drunk driving 3 years ago. P: I see, and can you pass me your vehicle registration papers, please? L: I can't do that. P: Why not? L: I stole this car. P: You stole it? L: Yes, and I killed the owner and cut him into pieces... P: You what? L: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. |  |
The officer looks at the woman and goes back to his car. He calls other police cars for help and back up. Within minutes five police cars circle the woman's car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car:
"Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Lady: Is there a problem, sir?
Officer: One of my officers told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.
L: Murderer the owner?
A senior officer slowly approaches the car:
"Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please?"
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Lady: Is there a problem, sir?
Officer: One of my officers told me that you stole this car and murdered the owner.
L: Murderer the owner?
 | O: Yes could you please open the trunk of your car? The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. O: Is this your car, ma'am? L: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is puzzled. |
O: One of my officers says that you don't have a driver's license.
The woman opens her purse, takes the license and gives it to the officer. He examines the license. He can't understand what's happening.
O: Thank, you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner and made pieces of him.
L: I bet the liar told you that I was speeding too.
The woman opens her purse, takes the license and gives it to the officer. He examines the license. He can't understand what's happening.
O: Thank, you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered the owner and made pieces of him.
L: I bet the liar told you that I was speeding too.
The monster
A man returned home earlier than usual. His son met him, very upset, and crying, "Daddy, there's a monster in your bedroom." "There's a what?" "A monster. And he's hidden in mummy's wardrobe." So the man went upstairs, found his wife in bed and opened the wardrobe door. Inside, his oldest friend tried vainly to hide himself behind a rack of dresses. "Twenty years, you've been my friend," bellowed the husband, pulling his former friend out by the hair, "And the best thing you can find to do is frighten my little boy." |  |
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...
Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
One was a salted.
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"
funny cartoons
please leave comments
soon more posts in English but leave comments to help me
